img

Moretti Mike

Hailing from Castlewhite, Michael has the proud honour of leading the opening ceremonies each year by being the first lamer to tee off. Michael is not just a fierce competitor on the golf course but also shares office space with his rival, Barry. You'll often find Michael patiently biding his time for a chance at the newspaper, waiting for Barry's thorough cubicle reading to conclude.

While he might be diligent at work, Michael has a unique golfing quirk,he is the master of practice swings, taking countless swings until the tee box starts to feel like home. Yet, ironically, it's sometimes a challenge for him to strike the ball off the tee itself.

Sichael is guaranteed to win the 'closest to the tee' award and has his sights set on nothing less than a crown at the Lamer Cup. If Michael succeeds in this quest, he will be guaranteed his beloved Carlsberg shandy. With his dedication to the sport and unyielding support for the Gunners, he's a force to be reckoned with on the golf course, poised to make his mark in the tournament. Michael is a brand ambassador for Birra Moretti.

Golf rating: 3/10
Lamercup attendances: 3


img

Colin Mush

Colin 'Mush' Morrison is back on the greens, folks! A childhood prodigy on the golf course, Mush took a brief hiatus, but like a well-loved putter, he's re-emerged, ready to swing again. Whether it's a day spent with the clubs or a night spent clubbing, Mush knows how to balance his passions.

He may have had a few years off, but his return to the fairways has been as inevitable as his moves on the dance floor. With Mush, it's all about rhythm – whether it's swinging for par or cutting shapes at his favorite night spots. He's a man who knows his way around a tee box and a DJ booth, proving once again that a true comeback never misses a beat.

Golf rating: 9/10
Lamercup attendances: 1


img

Merlot Mark

Introducing Mark master of eggs, a dashing figure hailing from the serene lands of Ardarostig, who now resides in the distant realm of Contae na Mí near Iceland. Mark was one of the first lamers to transcend lameness and gain wide recognition of his golfing abilities. He has taken up the banner of the rival Lamer Cup team, the Demons, and it's no surprise that they chose such a charismatic and debonair individual to represent their cause. Sir Eggsley, with his striking looks, undeniable charm, fantastic kebab eating ability and quick-witted banter, embodies a class that few can match. In the world of music, he and Gavan once formed a formidable duo known as the Groove Lounge, setting the stage ablaze with their musical talents. A tale of friendly rivalry, they ventured into a college DJing competition, where Sir Eggsley emerged victorious, earning him the right to wear that honorific title.

Having traversed the globe , Sir Eggsley returns to the Lamer Cup arena with a mature hairline, lower weight and a lower handicap than any of his competitors, poised to demonstrate not only his elegance but his prowess on the golf course. Let the games begin, as Sir Eggsley brings a touch of sophistication and competitive spirit to the Demons, in what promises to be a tournament for the ages. Mark is sponsored by Merlot wines and is his topless dancing is well regarded by all.

Golf rating: 7/10
Lamercup attendances: 3


img

DenzelBerry

Enter the realm of Dave, always smiling, perma tanned and affectionately known as Denzel Berry. Hailing from the charming Bishopstown and having never strayed too far from its embrace, Dave has etched his own unique path in the annals of sporting lore. His penchant for white football boots once drew attention on the pitch, albeit with an unfortunate consequence of being kicked more often than the ball itself

WA connoisseur of schools basketball, Dave penned a masterful MA Qual paper on the subject, shedding light on the intricacies of the game. Snooker, however, was a different story, where his skills seemed to have remained in the shadows, despite a memorable encounter with the illustrious Ken White in a state of inebriation. But beyond the realm of sports, Dave finds solace in evening strolls to the neighbourhood shops, where he engages in spirited conversations with the octogenarians who form the heart and soul of Bishopstown.

In a world of fast-paced changes, Dave remains a steadfast pillar of his community, a true Denzel with an endearing charm that warms the hearts of all who cross his path.

Golf rating: 5/10
Lamercup attendances: 3


img

Present boy

Allow us to introduce Danny, a familiar face hailing from Bishopstown, but with a dash of Prussian heritage that adds a unique flair to his story. Danny brings a wealth of life experiences and an inspiring tale to the Lamer Cup. In his youth at CSN, he was known to smoke with the determination of a steam locomotive, until life took an unexpected twist of faith, compelling him to bid 'auf Wiedersehen' to his beloved cigarettes. With characteristic Prussian precision and diligence, Danny redirected his focus to golf, swiftly earning the reputation of being the most ardent golfer among the group, even though he had some catching up to do. In advance of each Lamer cup, Danny ventures to the driving ranges of Cork and hits 1003 balls exactly while listening to a truly unique combination of German Schlager music and Nordic death metal.Whether this pre tournament practice reaps any rewards or is detrimental to his game is highly debatable.

Danny's journey from smoky days to fairway prowess, coupled with his penchant for leaving thoughtful 'Geschenke,' is a testament to his unwavering spirit, making him a true inspiration both on and off the golf course.

Golf rating: 3.14444/10
Lamercup attendances: 3